I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
