maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
