Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
