Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can't put those talents on a resume
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
