Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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