1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
