farters have to be the big spoon...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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