so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
