super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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