my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
