She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize