My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
