ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
