i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
