he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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