i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
