I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
