five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
