sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
