woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
