She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
