I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
