Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize