I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
