...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
