I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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