i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
