I heard we made out
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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