Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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