He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize