I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
