nut hugger
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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