YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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