1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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