i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
