I love black thongs
Can i not drive my cunt home
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Church boner. Awkwardddd
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
