Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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