fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
