So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
