But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
