Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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