I showed him my bush... on skype.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
