Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
