You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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