The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
