i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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