soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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