why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
