Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
