I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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