Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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