If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
