I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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