so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
