We're facebook friends in real life
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
