Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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