Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
