It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
