My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
