Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
