I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm like, not good at living.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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