we're blogging at a bar
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
