I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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