Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
