I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
