I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Randomize
