i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
