i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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