I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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