He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
